THE

 

GRADE SCHOOL

 

OPTIMIST

 

 

 

 

 

A Creative Commentary

 

 

By

 

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

09/28/2006

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t wipe my butt once, when I was in early grade school.  I think it may have been first or second grade.

 

It wasn’t because I was running late for class after recess and it wasn’t because I forgot to.  In fact, if I remember correctly it was just after we went to recess as I seem to recall a certain dismay with having to waste such precious time with a restroom visit.

 

I did however, notice that I wasn’t alone in that requirement.  This of course, was of no new occurrence as the rest room seemed always to be busy unless it was between recesses when everyone was in their class room.  Now that I think about it, it was always kind of creepy to be in there alone during those “in class” times. 

 

Like I said, I opted not to finish my business entirely one recess, and I did so purposefully.  I had noticed in the substantial traffic and commonality of the venue, that some of the other kids didn’t do their paper work at all.  I noticed this in various restroom sessions and I think maybe I started to get the idea that perhaps such forms of paper usage weren’t altogether a necessity, that perhaps I had been duped in some huge conspiratorial practical joke of some sort.  Even though I didn’t yet really know what the un-spell-able concept of conspiracy entailed entirely, I got the distinct feeling that something else might be going on.  In fact in regard to the idea of conspiracy itself, I am still not sure if anyone will ever really know.

 

What I knew then was that it didn’t seem to be the standard method of operation in regard to the present group of peers I functioned within daily.  I wanted to realize for myself, just why and why it was that I had been set in the direction of performing such seemingly extra steps within such moments.  Admittedly my reasons for doing so fall directly within what I now know to be the very same which lead adults into the exploration of the idea and mystery around conspiracies.

 

Then, I had just wondered why I had to do the extra stuff when no one else seemed to be.

 

I guess I just had to know for sure.  Know for myself beyond those exterior influences which had thus far formed my perception and understanding of such common tasks.

 

Now before anyone begins to think this is some example of overly suspicious leanings, I will have it known that I opted for this exploration very much in the mind set of optimism.  Very much in the manner of “alright, let’s just give that try!” 

 

It was only accented and punctuated with what I can now recognize as the beginning elements of those burning questions that haunt even humanity itself.

 

It wasn’t long after I decided to try it once for myself, that I realized wiping my butt was no dirty trick being played on me.  Unless of course I simply have a much different disposition in regard to the idea of comfort than does everyone else.

 

It just wasn’t comfortable at all.  In fact, it was even a great distraction to the ever coveted recess.  I could do nothing but be distracted with the continued presence of a rather odd sensation in my every move.  Luckily, I hadn’t as of yet considered the aspect of feeling as though everyone else knew… but then again, it didn’t seem as though there were that many other kids that would have given it a second thought even if they did.

 

From my personal perspective though, I might as well have been “packing a whole load” as they say.  Droopy drawers and all.

 

It may have even caused me to walk differently.

 

I had set out after “my business,” being quite optimistic in regard to perhaps a new experience in applied efficiency through the omission of frivolous exertions, but soon found that there truly is something to be said for the “quality of experience” in regard to performance issues.

 

I knew at that point that it was more than alright to put a little something extra into ones own efforts.  A little more interest could be invested, as it were.  If only for the simple benefits a person can experience for themselves as result.  I could have told you then, what the over all result of down sizing would be.

 

When I think about now, it is as if I maybe should have realized a bit further pertaining to optimism.  More directly, to the detrimental aspects it could have further in life.  Perhaps even being like some sort of affliction transferred into a form of unregulated social and emotional welfare for those trapped in the confusion of their own desperation.  But of course, within the great mystery of life, only in certain examples of failed ventures within the idea of optimism.  Leaving the existential bate of those seemingly elusive and romanticized successes you always hear about at the track and in the gossip session on the way out of the mall or casino about having landed a great bargain or “breaking even, again.”

 

I should have realized these things about optimism immediately after setting out that one time without having wiped my ass – even as young as I was then.  Especially given that I grew up in a social atmosphere based largely around gaming.

 

Funny how I was never really taken in with the mystique so common pertaining to gambling, even as a young child.  Maybe it was due in part to having found some answers for myself so early on.

 

I suppose it was a good thing that I found other avenues in which to explore the wondrous idea of optimism.  And further, I guess it was a good thing to have experienced a bad venture so early in life pertaining to the concept, as well.

 

All told, I suppose… optimism will always remain.  Even in my own life to some degree…. though I have noticed several things about it as I have grown.  One of which being that it doesn’t seem to matter how old you get…. If you skip the paper work, it seems always to put things on the skid.