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Transcripts from a recent disclosure obtained

purely through government sanctioned use of

telepathic communications devices.

A Short Fiction

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

09/07/2006

SANS THUMBSCREWS PLEASE – SHORT FICTION

David A. Archer ©Cpyright 2006

2

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Yeah, sure…. why not…."Pin and Taller" did it,

the "Ponk Magician" did it, that anonymous magician

guy did it, so why shouldn't I?

Allot of people don't know it, even most of those

which others might normally call friends. But I have

had a long standing correspondence relationship with

Wink Martendale…

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((Do you mean the former head of the C.I.A.?))

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….Yes, the former head of the C.I.A….... and up

until most recently, we have conversed about a good

many things. Many things, which I am now going to

divulge in nothing more than the modern and quite

accepted mode of trivial vengeance and tantrum

throwing based on a slight discrepancy between our

personal interests…..

…Now, with all professionalism aside and since it

is that such matters are best not dwelt upon, I am

simply going to cut right to the chase so to speak…..

•

The conspiracy theorists were all wrong

pertaining to the Kennedy assassination; There WAS

a magic bullet. Up until that point, "they" had been

developing it for years and were just looking for a

place to use it. To test it out as it were. They since

have stopped using it even in warfare as it just

presents far too many questions which no one wants to

spend time answering. I know it sounds silly... “why

didn't they just openly market it as a "Magic

SANS THUMBSCREWS PLEASE – SHORT FICTION

David A. Archer ©Cpyright 2006

3

Bullet?" You may ask…?

Everyone would have

purchased it and then used it is the biggest reason...

and that just wouldn't sit right with the N.R.A. or the

various groups which oppose them. Not to mention,

hunting season would just be far too crazy.

•

We haven't ever actually been into space. We

were just the first country that figured out how to get

the best professional baseball pitchers to drink a secret

"growing formula" which acts temporarily, so they

could throw things there. Particularly cameras and

the like.... but if you ask any professional pitcher, they

of course will lie in the fear of losing their chance at

the baseball hall of fame. I should state that there

have been experiments using basketball players and

even some quarterbacks, but allot of ego stuff got in

the way being that the basketball players always want

to "dunk it" and the quarter backs always seem to

need a receiver with a definite route to "throw into."

•

There is actually a Santa Claus, but he is one

pissed elf these days, so all of the corporate interest

that actually pissed him off, teamed up to kind of keep

it all going until either our version of the human

species dies out, or the little fat elf gets over it. In fact

it is widely known within the more prominent circles

of American society, that it is all anyone can do to keep

Bush and his corporate influence, from sending a crack

squad of Santa catchers to put him into Guantanamo,

simply out of spite from some discrepancy in his

childhood.

•

Watergate actually did happen, but it was

really only a practical joke played at a cocktail party

by a bunch of old frat buddies. It seems that they were

all just kind of bored so they drew straws to see who

would play what part in one of the best applied

versions of creative use of Shakespeare ever to

happen. Of course that is, until the activity caught on,

and they have all been trying to one up each other

since. There really isn't any political atmosphere in

the United States, it is just a bunch of old frat buddies

and sorority girls playing with old scripts.

SANS THUMBSCREWS PLEASE – SHORT FICTION

David A. Archer ©Cpyright 2006

4

•

There are various secret society organizations

related to the encrypted messages a person can find on

American forms of currency, but they aren't really

used for anything except getting free all day passes at

any Disney amusement park... or free promotional

materials at any Disney affiliated corporate business.

It has been like that since they stopped using it for

free pony rides at county fairs... which coincidentally is

around the same time that the first Disney Theme

Park opened. Some more rural places in the western

United States, still manage to get the free pony rides

in at the county fair, but they really have to be careful

not to upset Disney for obvious reasons.

•

The C.I.A. actually DID introduce L.S.D. into

the youth culture of the United States, and still use it

themselves. It was a political ploy to get Wink

Martendale his job... they figured that if he didn't get

the job through the discord produced within society -

and thusly smearing the credibility of his opponents...

then it was a sure thing that he would get the job with

everyone involved being high on acid...especially when

exposed to his game show during the peak effect of the

chemical enhancement.

•

J. Edgar Hoover's "Sexual Blackmail"; Yeah,

it happened and still does... but contrary to popular

belief, it is actually a sort of "club" that people seek to

get into, as it has become a prerequisite to participate

in order to view all of the other "home style porn" that

populates the public political offices.. and word has it,

that there is some really freaky stuff…which is one of

the areas I contest with my ol’ pal, Wink… Further, it

is a "kicker" or a "perk" these days in regard to the

"Free All Day Pass" to Disney Theme Parks.

•

The Government placing U.F.O. sighters and

"believers" on a watch list as risks of subversion; This

is very much true as well...but what the government

doesn't know is that the conspiracy they fear in

subversive measures as inspiration for such a list, is

quite true all the same, they just can't seem to admit

that it is really little green alien guys that are doing it

for fun, instead of the widely believed government

SANS THUMBSCREWS PLEASE – SHORT FICTION

David A. Archer ©Cpyright 2006

5

propaganda pertaining to some foreign government

ploy.

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Since it is that I have already risked much in

divulging this information, I really can't see any

reason not to expose another conspiracy which is

currently being investigated as per the potential social

productivity in ramifications and outcome - especially

considering the fact that I am doing so completely

against my will and under the influence of truth

serum… not to mention that garden hose….;

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•

In order to understand the “Professional Show

Dog Groomers Theory” as it has been categorized, you

need to realize that everything is controlled by the

Duck Fat Users Of America (that is the D.F.U.A

), made up of fry cooks everywhere with help from

another organization known as the Desperate Whore

Check Mongers (the D.W.C.M).

The conspiracy was developed and was first

started during the advent of the welfare system in The

United States Of America. It has simply taken this

long to reach a point in size to be of influence. They

have been responsible for many events throughout

history, including but not limited to affirmative action

as it is most widely abused in use and placement.

Today,

members

of

the conspiracy

are

everywhere. They can be identified by being Canadian

and thinking they are a funny comedian - even having

obtained work in the field. Having grown through

recruiting even non-Canadian participants who also

seem to think that they are comedians.

They want to drop the toilet seat on The

Technorati and imprison resisters in a secret location

in or around the Seattle Washington area, using an

SANS THUMBSCREWS PLEASE – SHORT FICTION

David A. Archer ©Cpyright 2006

6

affiliated group claiming to travel in flight by flapping

their arms really fast for a long time.

Obviously, this movement has picked up

attributes peripherally of the L.S.D. experiments.

Further it is rumored that prisoners are subject

to deafening levels of various television reruns as well

as a constant exposure to that "yellow brick road"

movie played on the walls of all of the cells. This while

being subject to mind blowing doses of said L.S.D. and

other hallucinogens.

In order to prepare for this to really take effect on

society, it is suggested in the secret agent realms, that

we all must begin to slowly lower the toilet seat.

Since the media is controlled by a person known

only as Roy G. Biv, we should get our information from

a popular coffee outlet instead.

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With that said, and unless you are going to break

out the thumbscrews, I believe I will retire from this

secret meeting... as long as you are sure that the

minutes and notes have been well recorded....

Now, if you would kindly remove the garden hose

and direct me back to my cell...

...And, I would appreciate a wake up call at zero

9:30 please... in time for brunch if you don't mind.....

.......Over easy, bacon, wheat toast.

…why do they always burn the toast?

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