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FREE
CELEBERTY
HALO'S
A Short Fiction
By
David A. Archer
02/15/1968
09/28/2006
We are all familiar with bathroom graffiti. It always seems to be
the same stuff, at least in the men's room; "For a Good Time Call
########," then of course the ever present and ongoing battle of
racial slurs in all forms and the occasional series of "grout puns,"
not to mention the evident lack of spelling champions participating in
such activities.
Maybe there should be a spell checker installed for such communication
mediums?
But then again, maybe that is part of the allure and mystique about
procuring one's ration of common knowledge from such places?
As it goes I had happened to be enjoying a few moments to myself and
of course the looming remnants of scribble being evidence of both the
popularity of the said place of simple pleasure, and further the state
of common cerebral capacity within society. I looked over at a place
where usually is found a few incoherent phone numbers and perhaps a
bad limerick or two, being the "sanitary seat cover dispenser," and
found much to my surprise and admitted pleasure the following words;
FREE CELEBERTY HALO'S!
If I recall correctly, such was even the spelling used in indicating
the availability of such a wardrobe accessory, for more than
affordable price of "free."
I had to think about it for a minute, but then it dawned on me how
brilliant the play on words and functionality of said bathroom
advertisement was. Not only did it suggest that you could
immediately "Be Like The Stars" but further, for the price of "Free."
I thought even further as is a very common activity of mine in such
situations, and realized the brilliance of it ran even deeper, in many
facets and on many levels of suggested relation.
"Be like the stars" was just the tip of the iceberg regarding those
three words and their suggestion.
There was then the aspect regarding the modern fact encompassing
even politicians and sports figures as "celeberties" within the use of
the media In fact, it seemed to include just about anyone having
gained any form of notoriety… and especially those that managed to
sustain said recognition within our modern day.
I suddenly had the visage of the president modeling one of these
wonderful halo's! Standing in the same media spotlight as many
other "celeberty" personalities… much in the manner of some charity
program where many different "celeberties" make an appearance to "make
a difference."
Then of course was the play on the postured essence in the public
relations area of the modern media. They are all sold to us
as "angels." Unless of course they happen to draw the "short straw"
for that month or fiscal quarter, and happen to be sucked into playing
the role of "Oh, no! I am in trouble!" Which no one ever seems to
realize as just another aspect of the media itself in the larger
sense. A good example being a "celeberty" brought up on shoplifting
charges from a store that might just as well have been considered an
extension of their living abode in the amount of time they had spent
there. Further that most of their purchases had always been
delivered to them anyhow, with nothing more than a suggestion of
having wanted the item…. probably without even a signature on a slip
of paper.
Then a person has to consider the deft usage in the direction of
advertising. Firstly, it was much more than a novel idea, then
further it was immediately associated with a large scope of selling
area. Target market so to speak, while further displaying a cross
over potential within the idea of demographics.
What person wouldn’t want to be seen wearing a “celeberty halo?”
Everyone has some form of association with one “celeberty” personality
or another.
Then even beyond those aspects is the potential for drawing new users
of the product itself, but for obviously different reasons than
manufacturer specifications.
The potential market for these things was immense… even farther beyond
the obvious and intended usage of them in every day graffiti reading
sessions. And again, as was readily evident, they were “free.”
Could a person blame me for trying one?
I had never before even considered the use of the “sanitary toilet
seat covers” being that I am in no way a germ-a-phobe, but when
presented with the opportunity to sit, even momentarily in the
perceived greatness of “celeberty” halo wearer… I found it hard to
resist.
As I sat there exploring the thoughts I might find in having shifted
my perception in that small degree with the rim of the
free “celeberty” halo no dangling slightly into my view and then
floating out of it again with the most subtle of motions, I realized
that who ever the guy was that advertised them first, was really on to
something.
In the bigger metaphor, it was now obvious that in fact… in many more
ways than any of us may ever know… we are all shit heads to some
degree.
If for nothing more than the sort of endeavors I was now sitting in
full display of within my private moment… of trying on my very
first “FREE CELEBERTY HALO!”
David A. Archer Copyright 2006
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